Amazon’s Valentine’s Day Massacre

Amazon’s workforce staged a Valentine’s Day revolt yesterday, leaving the e-commerce giant reeling. The battle lines were drawn as employees demanded fair wages and weren’t alone in their fight.

Delivery drivers, including those from popular food apps like Deliveroo, Uber Eats, and Eat, are set to join the fray.

It appears that now is Amazon’s winter of discount tents as they walk out on Wednesday, in a strategic move timed to coincide with the peak demand for swift Valentine’s Day dinner deliveries across Britain.

The GMB trade union has thrown its weight behind the workers, calling for a three-day strike at Amazon’s colossal Coventry facility. The heart of England will echo with their demands, as pay disparities continue to widen.

According to the worker’s spokesman Ulisses, a Brazilian courier who prefers to remain anonymous, fearing retaliation, it is time for fair treatment and just compensation.

“Valentine’s Day isn’t just about roses and chocolates,” Ulisses confided to AFP. “It’s one of the busiest days for delivery services, with a voracious appetite for meal drop-offs. We’re the unsung Cupids of convenience!”

As the sun sets on this fateful Wednesday, it’s not just love in the air—it’s also the scent of change. The timing couldn’t be more poignant, coinciding with the release of January’s official UK inflation data. Couriers, who played a pivotal role in feeding the nation during pandemic lockdowns, are demanding recognition.

Ulisses summed it up: “Our strike is a clarion call to both corporations and the public. Let’s address the unsustainable earnings that plague our industry. Love may be in the air, but fairness should be too!”